Thoughts on Thirty-Three
WOW. Thirty-three. Thirty-f’in-three. Wow.
Truthfully, I’ve never really thought about what it would be like to be this “old.” When I was a kid, I remember thinking at 25 I would be the ultimate adult, and I really stopped thinking about ages after 25 because I would accomplish everything by 25. I’d own a home, a car, have a stellar career, travel the world, and maybe have a kid or two (but really, like, what was I thinking about the kids?!). But that’s not how I was at 25 and it’s definitely not how I am at 33.
This post by Steph, @stephvilladavis, from earlier this month, really resonated with me. We have all these social expectations that sadly are engrained in us at a young age. And we can feel like failures if we’re not checking the boxes. I own my car, but I still rent my apartment. Due to some moves, I’m not where I want to be in my career, but I am getting there and I am shaping one that feels like the most ideal situation for me and my life. I’ve traveled, but not nearly as much as I would like. And don’t get me started on kids. But you know what? That’s okay! It’s okay that I still feel like I’m not adult enough to make the decisions I’ve made or will make.
In March, I did not think I would have a quarantine-esque birthday, but here we are. And I will do my best to make the best of it. This year, more than any other year, I feel incredibly grateful to celebrate another birthday. It feels weird (odd, strange, I don’t know the correct feeling) to experience gratefulness in a year that has been plagued with so much loss, grief, stress, and insert-emotion-here. But really I am so thankful to be alive. Even if 2020 tastes like a shit sandwich.
When I think about Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd, and the countless other Black lives that have been taken at the hands of police and the racism that runs deep in our world, or the 200,000+ individuals who have lost their lives to COVID-19 and how it could have been avoided if the people we elected into leadership roles were actually leaders, I know I need to be grateful for my birthday because so many celebrated their last in 2019. So many people will never celebrate another birthday here on Earth. And complaining about my birthday or “getting older” feels wrong. It feels like I’m not honoring the lives that have been taken from their families so unfairly this year or not recognizing that growing old is truly a privilege.
I’m so grateful to celebrate a birthday in a time when as a woman I can vote, I can open a checking account or buy a house all by myself, I can make decisions for my body, I can choose to have children and be protected in the workplace, and I can do whatever I want because my sex shouldn’t be a factor.
For my birthday wish this year, I wish for record voter turnout for the November 3rd election, for a change in the direction our country is headed *sings “did a full 180” like Dua Lipa*, for elected leaders who are compassionate and care about the people over their own power, and for more faith in humanity.
So, even though I’m not where I thought I would be in life at 33 and 2020, honestly, has been the most challenging year of my life (our lives), I am really grateful to be here. I am really grateful for the leaders who made changes, so I can have better choices available to me (RIP RBG). I am grateful to get more days to be alive because so many won’t get more days. I am grateful to have a voice. And being grateful to age is the best way I know how to honor those who have lost so much.
xx,
Linds
